Self-contempt for losing virginity miss

I, in the familiar eye is a good girl, good and energetic. I used to have shaken his early time students. It is a beautiful feeling, love that dare not close, care for each other in a gentle way that warm, but it forever just stop there. It is the most beautiful feelings I've ever had. When she lost him forever, I was suffering, was writhing, because I know I spent a deep affection how severe. The other sons are interested in me, because I do not have feelings so scared, and I shunned them since they know his mind.

Then the 3rd year college, a classmate he pursues me. A gentle guy and bright. I have no sympathy for him, but somehow I do not hate him as alienated and not others. He dorm every day, he asked me to go to school, go eat rice everyday. Then one day I found him not to be amiss. But I do not think it's love. He asked me out, I refuse, I say just friends, just want to be friends only, I see me and you do not get along, the desire for his future and I are not the same. But he kept pursuing, and then I do not understand it myself anymore. I agreed as I myself know I have not really love him. It seems that I can not resist the love of him.

Then I had 2 years to stick with love that I always thought that he loved me more. He is a gentle man, I love all the ink. He stayed in Hanoi is also up for me now. My family also helped me a lot, with a view to helping your child's friends (the same as provincial retail but his family troubles me more than family). With time, my love for you is also increasing. The thing I always felt he wanted it. He used to require, but I sulked as he left it. I broke up because each claim can not accept that. He begged, he said, can not live without me. He said he would fix, but time and again, and again he kept demanding apology. He told me not to repress his feelings even though he knows is not so. I used to have to worry about it or you just do not, but I did not dare ask him. Then he said he just "close" to me only, but I'll keep the wedding night. He kept saying then one day I could not understand her, I agree.

He did as he said. He did not rob my all. A few times. There are times I feel pain. And only recently, I suddenly discovered I had lost the most precious daughter's life. My God, a naked truth that I could not accept myself. I feel spoiled, I feel miserable, I do not see commensurate with what life has given me. I value people now no longer be a copper, a penny. I did not dare to hate him, because I know, if I had not softened him never to do that. It was terrible. All I have to go, gave the most precious asset for a love that I know I can not love for him as much as he did for me. Now, I feel bitter, bitter for his life. I will suffer this torment throughout the remaining life.

World collapsed before my eyes, like a bad guy rolls nestled just want to hide. I do not understand why I could so bad, I wish it was all a dream, but the bitter truth, I want to die, but death is not easy. Now I do not even dare tell you. I'm afraid you know, I was afraid he continued demanding (because now I can almost not keep as well), if not to say, after this I think I used to with anyone but him, why. I am afraid of being despised. Why could I do that when my love is not large enough, the middle brother with me so much about the way in and the way how to think? Now I dare not love, not worthy of love, including me.

I'm absolutely devastated, I can not work, tears every night. I was not brave enough to speak with him, not knowing whether to say or not. Please please give me some advice soon, I'm at a dead end due to my own cause.

According to the Star